Old, old man (practically dead)

So Saturday morning I woke up at 8, which for me on a Saturday is the equivalent of 2am, to jump in the shower and get ready.

Jim was coming up from San Diego and was passing pretty close by me on the 15, so since my car is still in the shop I had him give me a ride.

For starters we went to pick up Javi, who is Yolanda's oldest girl's boyfriend. I asked if he'd help us move and he gamely obliged.

I've been to Javi's house at least sixty times in the past year or so, to pick up or drop off Lidia. Maybe even seventy times. For some reason, he has one of those houses that I just can't find. No matter how many times I go there, no matter how many times I try to memorize the names of the streets, I just can't ever remember where the guy lives. Lidia and Yolanda make fun of me to no end for my lack of ability to find the place. When it's suggested I go there to pick her up, they both look at me and smile a suppressed laughter... and one of them will say, well, you know how to get there right? And I always say yes, yes I know how to get there. And here's the funny part, sometimes I can do it. Sometimes I get behind the wheel, and just drive straight there, like I'm a perfectly normal person. Other times, not so easy. It's too many streets that all look the same, too many names of streets that just don't stick in my mind. Pepper, grand, sierra, etc.

So after several wrong turns and a couple of backtracks, Jim and I picked up Javi and we drove out to Joe's for the move. The move itself was pretty uneventful, just a typical Class family move. I wondered what in the world Javi might have thought of all of us... with our weird humor and millions of inside jokes. When you get Jimmy and my dad and me in the same room for too long, our sense of humor takes a turn for the odd. At one point we were tired and feeling a little loopy, and we drove past a house with a bunch of bricks in the front yard, stacked into little columns and pillars... Jimmy and my dad and I started screaming out the window, "Hey, look at you with all your bricks! Bricky bricky bricky!", and "Hey, those are CRAPPY bricks, buy some REAL bricks!" etc. Of course we all thought it was hilarious and were cracking up, but I don't think anyone else in the world would have found it so amusing.

So I got home that night and showered, and Yolanda and I went out to dinner. Then we came home and I rented the Tourist. We got into a twenty minute "discussion" about Angelina Jolie... sufficed to say I could take or leave her, but Yolanda HATES her, to the point where she doesn't feel we should even be renting her movies or having her on our TV screen, taking it as far as suggesting that she wasn't even sure she saw me the same way if I'm a person who doesn't realize what a horrible, horrible evil person Angelina is. I let it go when I realized she wasn't kidding at all.

Then I realized my back was in trouble. It had been ok all day and up till dinner, but when I got home and we turned on the movie I cracked open a beer and started to relax, only to realize it felt as if someone had taken a sledgehammer and slammed it into the middle of my back. Exhausted and in severe pain, both physical from my back and traumatized from the Angelina discussion, I collapsed into a deep coma-sleep. I woke up Sunday morning to realize the sledgehammer feeling had not only gone away, it had amplified mightily overnight. So I popped Advils all day yesterday and at times it's almost a livable ache, at other times it's horrifically painful.

I tried to remember if there was some particular lift or time I bended my knees wrong, but last night I think I discovered the reason for the pain. I noticed that when I press my belly firmly with my hands, so as to push the fat into the proportions of a normal human, the pain goes away almost entirely. In other words, it wasn't lifting anything heavy that caused the injury, it was the simple weight of my protruding stomach. And really, I don't know why I called it the "simple weight" of my gut, seeing as my stomach fat must weigh close to forty pounds.

As of monday morning, the pain has subsided only somewhat, I don't expect to be pain free till at least mid-week.

Car crash

Last Thursday night I was on my way to get Yolanda. She'd called because she was out of work, it was raining and her car was a long walk away and she had no umbrella. Since we live around the corner from her job, she called me and I went over to give her a ride to her car. It was cold in my car but Yolanda as usual was radiating dragon-level body heat, so the windows were fogged up pretty bad.

Between the fog on the windows and the dark and the rain, I missed a turn and she called out at the last second that I was supposed to turn left… bottom line is I drove up on a center divider. I scraped the crap out of the bottom of my car. It may be totaled. We called a towtruck and sat and waited for it to be picked up, and it was carted off. The mood as we sat to wait for the truck was… tense. Then we took her car home.

So now I've been driving her car to and from work, and she's been without a vehicle. She works about a ten minute walk away, but if your question is how is it sitting with her to be all day without a car while I've got hers, the answer is, to put it in terms this family can seize on… it's tippish as hell.

My car is in the shop and I'm waiting to hear how bad it is. It may be wrecked and I could have no car now. Situation could be dire.

We'll see what happens when I get word from the shop.

Starting it back up.

Been well over a year since my last post. In light of the revival of the Idol blog, I thought I'd encourage others to start blogging here again, and the best way to do that is to put my money where my (considerable) mouth is and knock out an entry of my own.

I started a new job recently, its been going well. Yolanda and I are looking at getting married sometime around next fall... no concrete plans yet, I'll keep everyone posted.

In the past year, I've gotten much balder and gained considerable weight. Not much else has happened. Lots of food, lots of hair loss. At this rate, in five years I'll be Jabba the Hut, two tons of lard without a hair on my body, lounging in a chair with an assortment of fried foods at arms reach.

I did go through a little bit of a standup comedy phase, but it got to be too much as the shows were getting bigger and bigger in scope, while I had less and less time to prepare for them. I guess if I ever win the lottery I'll get back into it again.

I have finished the book, it's currently with an editor and when he's done I'll have to do another draft and then it'll go back to the editor for final touchups. After that I'm going to self-publish it, which means you'll all get a copy only if you want it bad enough to pay me for it.

I have to go, it's been nearly half an hour since I finished six slices of pizza, so I need a light snack.

Bests...

No one can say anything anymore. Case closed.

"Traditional marriage" crusader and former Miss California Carrie Prejean is living in sin with her fiance Kyle Boller of the St. Louis Rams.

She wears thongs in photo shoots, makes sex tapes, and lives with her boyfriend. But she does belong to a group whose purpose is to fight gay marriage.

What I said at the time this all blew up last spring was that she's full of crap, because it's easy to point to the parts of the Bible that condemn things that you don't imbibe in, but not so easy to actually apply it to your own life.

I think someone should start a grassroots political organization aimed at taking people who make sex tapes and live with their significant other (who by the way, isn't the guy from the sex tape)before marriage and throwing them in prison for the rest of their lives. Because if I believe something, or even just like saying it, it should be the law. That's how it works, right?

:)

I should let it die, but I won't. Hip. O. Critt.

A series of topless photos featuring Miss California Carrie Prejean were leaked to several gossip websites, and even more damaging, Carrie had failed to inform pageant officials of their existence. Her people quickly told everyone she was “naive” and only 17 at the time of the photos thus preventing their publication, but TMZ has learned she was of legal age during the photos, and even took them as recently as this year:

The sponsor (who asked not to use his name) says Carrie sent him one of the topless photos after January 6, 2009, asking “if she was in good enough shape for the Miss USA Pageant.” The date is significant, because that’s the day Carrie got a boob job. 

The former sponsor says the pic was post boob job and she was well over 18.

In the meantime, Donald Trump will announce tomorrow whether Carrie will be stripped of her crown for not disclosing the photos to pageant officials and using her title to campaign against gay marriage.

More Hypocrisy (C) (O)

The controversial Miss California Carrie Prejean stopped by The Today Show this morning to announce she’ll be joining the National Organization for Marriage and their “Gathering Storm” in Washington to campaign against gay marriage. E! Newsreports:

“I think this is a huge issue right now. People are very passionate of this issue. I think regardless of our opinions, we just need to respect each other when we disagree. It’s all about respect.”

Of course, the most hilarious aspect of this story is that it comes off the heels of the revelation that the Miss California Organization paid for Carrie to get breast implants:

“It was something that we all spoke about together,” Shanna said referring to herself, Carrie and Keith Lewis, Shanna’s co-executive director. “It was an option and she wanted it. And we supported that decision.”

God LIKES morally bankrupt beauty contests and fake boobs, but does NOT like gay marriage.  Who knew.

What else can you tell us about how we should live our lives, Carrie?

Swine Flu

Will the Avian/Swine flu become a global pandemic?  Yeah, when pigs fly!

Seriously, there are alot of bad swine flu jokes going around.  It's like some kind of disease.

I think I might be getting the pig flu myself, I might need some oinkment.